Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
