Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
