im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
