i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize