Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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