Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
