You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
