At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's never too late to be topless.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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