Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize