I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
