One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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