We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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