watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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