My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
