How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
