this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
