i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
