can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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