I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
