yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
