His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
