I will die if light touches me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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