I wish i was in the wii world.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
