Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
