I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
