Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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