just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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