So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
