before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm having to shit out rocks
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
