i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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