You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
