I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
