sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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