I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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