Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
