those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize