He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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