Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
