And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
