Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize