i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
