Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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