there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
