Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sext me about skeletons
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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