Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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