oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize