The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
