Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
