do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you had me at cake vodka
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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