That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize