dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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