on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Can you bring me the toilet please
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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