Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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