If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
