I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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