Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
