The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
