I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
