I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize