just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
