im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize