wanna go halves on a baby?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
