Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
