when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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