Even the bartender felt bad for me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
