Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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