I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Randomize
