Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
