I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
