K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
