my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize