Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
