you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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