a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize