my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize