there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
