do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
