i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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