You just made me feel so damn special
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We need a shit load of segways right now
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
