i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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