If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
