Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
