Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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