if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
