oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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