His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
