the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
