i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I enjoy the company of your penis
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
