you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
