it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize