I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
