Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
