Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
