You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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