In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
