my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
