so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
