You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
