I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
