i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
