Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
