someone threw a dead crab at me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
