They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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